Beyond the Resolution: A Spokane Therapist’s Guide to Values-Based Growth in 2026

As the snow settles over Manito Park and the calendar turns to January, a familiar collective energy sweeps through Spokane. We feel a sudden, urgent pressure to "fix" ourselves. We see the ads for gyms in North Spokane, the "clean eating" meal plans at our local markets, and the social media influencers promising a "New Year, New Me."

But as a Marriage and Family Therapist in Spokane, Washington, I see the darker side of this tradition. By the time the Lilac Festival rolls around, many of the people I work with are carrying a heavy burden of "resolution guilt." They feel like they’ve failed because they couldn't maintain a rigid, often arbitrary goal set during the dark days of early January.

If you’re tired of the cycle of resolve-and-relapse, this post is for you. Today, I’m exploring why traditional resolutions often fail and how we can utilize Values-Based Living to create sustainable, compassionate change in our lives and relationships.

The Statistical Reality: Why Resolutions Fail

It isn’t a lack of willpower that kills resolutions; it’s the way they are designed. Research published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology found that while about 45% of Americans make resolutions, only about 8% actually achieve them by the end of the year (Norcross, Mrykalo, & Blagys, 2002).

Even more telling is the timeline: nearly 23% of people quit their resolutions by the end of the first week, and 43% quit by the end of January. In the world of therapy, we call this the "False Hope Syndrome." We set unrealistic expectations, fail to meet them, and then experience a significant drop in self-esteem, which actually makes us less likely to try again.

The "Dead Person Goal" Trap

In clinical practice, I often encounter "Dead Person Goals." These are goals that a dead person can do better than you—for example:

• "I will stop eating sugar."

• "I will stop being angry with my spouse."

• "I will never feel anxious again."

These goals are built on avoidance rather than approach. When we focus on what we won't do, our brains become hyper-fixated on the very thing we are trying to avoid. If I tell you, "Don't think about a car driving over the Monroe Street Bridge," that bridge is the first thing you see. Resolutions work the same way.

The Alternative: Values-Based Living

If resolutions are the destination, values are the compass.

A resolution is binary: you either did it or you didn’t. A value, however, is a quality of action. Research in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) suggests that individuals who align their daily actions with their core values experience significantly higher levels of life satisfaction and resilience (Sheldon & Elliot, 1999).

Shifting from Outcome to Process

When we live by our values, there is no "failing." Traditional resolutions are outcome-focused—they depend on a specific "after" photo or a number on a scale. Values are process-focused.

For example, if you value connection and you have a week where you feel isolated, you haven't failed at connection; you have a new opportunity to choose a connective action today. Values are ongoing and lifelong. You never "finish" being a kind person or a curious partner. This removes the "finish line" anxiety that causes so many to burn out by February.

Cultivating Relationships in Spokane: A Family Perspective

As a marriage counselor in Spokane, I often see couples try to "resolve" their way into a better relationship. They might say, "We resolve to stop fighting," or "We will go on a date every Friday."

While the intention is good, these rigid rules often lead to resentment when "real life" gets in the way. Instead, I encourage families and couples to identify Shared Values.

Examples of Family Values:

• Transparency: Instead of resolving to "never lie," we value being an open book.

• Playfulness: Instead of "scheduling fun," we value looking for humor in the mundane, even during a long wait at the DMV or a snow-day stuck inside.

• Support: Instead of "doing everything for each other," we value being a "soft landing" after a hard day.

When a family identifies a value like Support, they can ask themselves during a stressful week: "How did we support each other today?" This turns the focus toward what is working, rather than tallying up mistakes.

5 Steps to an Anti-Resolution New Year

If you’re ready to ditch the shame-cycle, here is a therapist-approved roadmap for January and beyond.

1. Conduct a "Life Audit."

Before looking forward, look back. What felt "heavy" in 2025? What felt "light"? In my therapy sessions, I often use this inventory to identify where a client’s energy is being drained by expectations that don't belong to them. Growth usually starts with subtraction—setting down the weights you weren't meant to carry.

2. Choose Three "North Star" Values

Pick three words that you want to define your year. Common values include Authenticity, Boundaries, Courage, Rest, and Vitality. These words don't require you to be a different person; they ask you to show up as yourself more intentionally.

3. Focus on "Micro-Moves."

Instead of a "New Year's Overhaul," look for the 1% shift. If you value Vitality, a 1% shift might be taking a five-minute walk near the Spokane River during your lunch break. These small successes build self-efficacy—the belief in your own ability to succeed. It is better to walk for five minutes consistently than to go to a high-intensity gym for two weeks and never return.

4. Practice Radical Self-Compassion

When you inevitably drift away from your values (because you are human), the key is how you talk to yourself. Self-criticism activates the "fight or flight" response, which shuts down the prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain you need for making good decisions. Self-compassion, on the other hand, keeps the brain "online" and ready to pivot back toward what matters.

5. Seek Local Support

Sometimes, the patterns that keep us stuck are deeper than a New Year's resolution can reach. Whether it’s navigating family dynamics or managing personal anxiety, working with a Spokane therapist can provide the external perspective needed to break the cycle.

Why Local Therapy Matters

Living in the Inland Northwest comes with unique stressors—from the "Gray Winter Blues" (Seasonal Affective Disorder) to the specific economic pressures of our region. Finding a Marriage and Family Therapist in Spokane means working with someone who understands our community, our pace of life, and our local resources.

In my practice, we don't look for "fixes." We look for alignment. We work to ensure that your life in Spokane feels like yours, not a performance for someone else's standards. Change that is rooted in self-loathing rarely lasts; change rooted in self-respect is unstoppable.

Final Thoughts for the New Year

You are a person in progress. This January, I invite you to put down the resolutions and pick up your compass.

Let’s make 2026 a year of gentle, meaningful evolution rather than forced, fragile change. If you find yourself struggling to find your footing this winter, remember that you don't have to navigate the path alone.