Why Community is Our Strongest Shield Against Suicide

[Content Warning: This post discusses suicide and mental health crises. If you are hurting right now, please know there is support. Call or text 988 any time to connect with compassionate care.]

As a Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFTA) practicing here in Spokane, I spend my days sitting across from people as they navigate the messy, beautiful, and sometimes excruciating reality of being human. It is a privilege to bear witness to their stories, but it also offers a sobering vantage point on the silent struggles across our region.

When people think of therapy, they often picture an individual focused inward—working through their personal history, their neurochemistry, or their coping skills on a singular level. These things are absolutely vital to mental wellness. But as an MFT, my training taught me to view the world through a wider, more relational lens.

I don't just see an individual sitting alone in a chair. I see the complex system they are part of. I understand their family dynamics, workplace pressures, neighborhood atmosphere, and city culture. I look for the connections that support them, and too often I find significant gaps where those connections should be.

I want to discuss the most complex topic in mental health: suicide. It’s a subject we often avoid due to fear or discomfort, but silence only worsens the crisis. I want to shift the conversation beyond individual suffering and view it through a systemic perspective. I want to highlight why genuine community is the most powerful, yet underused, protective factor we have right here in Spokane County.

Facing the Reality in the Inland Northwest

We cannot heal what we aren't willing to see. While the Inland Northwest is a beautiful place to live, home to resilient people, we face significant, deeply rooted behavioral health challenges.

Historically, our area has struggled with higher suicide rates than many other parts of the country. Sociologists and public health experts point to a complex "perfect storm" of factors here. We deal with significant rural isolation outside the city core, higher rates of access to firearms, and gaps in mental healthcare access due to provider shortages.

The data brings this reality home. According to recent reports, Spokane County’s suicide rate has often been notably higher than the Washington state average. For instance, in 2024, Spokane County's rate was 21.5 per 100,000 residents, compared to the state average of 15.1 per 100,000.

In recent years, we have observed troubling trends, particularly among middle-aged men and our local veteran population—groups who often feel immense pressure to stay silent about their pain. The statistics are especially stark: In 2020, men died by suicide at five times the rate of women in Spokane County. Additionally, out of the 120 suicide deaths recorded in the county in 2024, 21 were veterans, highlighting the disproportionate crisis within that community.

When I look at that data, I don’t just see numbers. I see a deep failure of connection. I see people who, overwhelmed by pain, fall through the cracks of our community safety net.

The MFT Perspective: The Vicious Cycle of Isolation

In the therapy world, we focus heavily on "protective factors" - the elements in life that buffer us against stress and reduce the risk of crisis. Therapy and medication are critical interventions, but they are often reactive - tools we use once a crisis has begun.

Community is preventative.

Neurobiology shows that humans are wired for connection. We are naturally social beings; studies have found that emotional isolation activates the same areas in the brain as physical pain. When someone is experiencing deep depression or suicidal thoughts, their world often shrinks significantly. They may believe the lies that depression promotes: that they don't belong anywhere, and that the people they love would be better off without them. Isolation acts as an echo chamber for these thoughts, amplifying them until they drown out hope.

A strong community operates like an external nervous system. It offers hope when an individual can't carry it alone. It’s the knowing that if you fall, there’s a safety net to catch you, even if you don't have the strength to ask for help.

How Spokane Can Build a Stronger Net

We have a special spirit in Spokane. We are growing quickly, but we still maintain a small-town feel. We are tough and proud of our local identity. We are also very polite here, which isn’t always helpful in forming meaningful relationships.

The first step is to move beyond superficial politeness. We often ask "How are you?" casually and accept the automatic response "I'm fine," even when we suspect it’s not true. To truly be a protective community, we must be willing to face an awkward moment if it could save a life. If your instincts tell you that a friend, coworker, or family member is struggling, ask the second question: "How are you really? You seem down lately, and I want you to know I see that." It’s important to understand that asking directly about suicide does not plant ideas in someone’s mind; instead, it can provide enormous relief to know that someone else recognizes their pain and is willing to sit with them in the dark.

Additionally, we need to re-learn to appreciate what sociologists call "weak ties." As an MFT, I highly value close family bonds and deep friendships, but the casual interactions we have every day also provide essential support for our mental health. It’s easy to overlook the significance of the nod you exchange with a regular on the Centennial Trail, small talk with the vendor at the Kendall Yards Night Market, or a quick interaction with your local librarian. However, these minor exchanges form a fabric that affirms: "You exist here. You are part of this place." We must nurture the "third places" in Spokane—the parks, coffee shops, and community centers outside of home and work where we can just be together.

Finally, building this network requires us to change how we listen. In the Inland Northwest, we are problem-solvers. When someone shares pain, our instinct is often to offer a solution or look for a silver lining immediately. But a genuine connection happens when we first validate the pain. Before trying to fix it, we need to be willing to say, "That sounds incredibly heavy, and I am so sorry you are carrying it alone."

Connections that Hold Us Together

Suicide is highly complex. There is never a single cause, nor a simple solution. We must keep advocating for improved access to professional mental health services in Eastern Washington.

But while the roots of despair are often deeply personal, the best solution is almost always community-based. We have the ability in Spokane to be that support for each other. Let’s put down our phones, look out for our neighbors, and strengthen the connections that hold us together.

If reading this has stirred up painful feelings for you, or if you're worried about someone you care about, remember that help is available right now. You can reach free, confidential support 24/7 by calling or texting the National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988. For those seeking ongoing therapeutic support to navigate these complex feelings within our community, Heartland Marriage and Family Therapy is here to assist. You're not alone.